my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
