i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
