used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
