Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
