"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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