Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
