I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
