i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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