Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
