Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
