Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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