The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
