I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
