So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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