those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
