I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
