i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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