reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
