This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
