adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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