i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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