I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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