OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
