I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
