We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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