so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
