We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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