How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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