Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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