i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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