All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
