Umm I'm too high to move.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My vagina just recognized that song.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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