I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
