Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
