If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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