Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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