when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You made out with two different species that night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize