A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
