i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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