If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
