In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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