honey bunches of taint.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
