three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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