when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
