tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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