I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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