FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she peed on how many people?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
