Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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