it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well you can't waste a boner
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
