Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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