I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
did you just send me my own nude
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize