We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
