I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
