Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
