Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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