This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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