It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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