Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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