were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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