Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize