As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ladies don't puke and tell
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize