We're like a lot better than the average bears
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
