I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
