You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
