Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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