My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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