I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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