You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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