His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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