The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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