drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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