How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
