Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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