please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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