it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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