i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
