Your face is a jimmy john
it was like eating out sand paper
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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