You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize