Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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