so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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